Skip to main content

Is it the thought that really counts?

I do so love reading articles that conjure up memories!
I recently read an article in O Magazine July 2011 (I’m a little bit behind!)  called The Cure for a Compulsive Helper by Diana Spechler.  The article was the author’s account of 30 days of mindful helping. She shared that there were times in her life when she thought she was being helpful, but since it was unsolicited, her help became almost to the point of meddling.  
I got to thinking of an incident in my life and how I identified with Ms Spechler’s well-meaning nature.
A few years ago, a manager that worked with my husband lamented that she didn't have many professional clothes. The owner was promoting her to another apartment complex that was larger and she wanted to look the part. She was petite like me, so my husband suggested that I help out. I had been working at an office for a while and had collected many business separates. I went through my closet and picked out a couple of my professional cast-offs.  The next time we saw her, I gave her the clothing. I felt good that I was able to help out on her quest to looking more professional.
Oddly enough, the later times I saw her, I didn't see her wearing any of the items I had given her.  I figured since I didn't see her every day and she may have been wearing them at these other times.
A few weeks later, she was getting ready to move to the new apartment complex and was holding a yard sale. We happened to be at her complex since my husband was the on call maintenance tech that weekend. As we walked by her sales display, on the rack of clothing were all of the items I gave her. My heart sank, disappointed that my generosity was completely ignored. Even though we saw each other many times afterwards, I never mentioned my hurt feelings to her, but it was always in the back of my mind.  
After reading this article, I reviewed this past incident again. I didn't feel the sting of the hurt feelings since many years have come between, so I was able to look at it from a more discerning angle. 
This manager may have had some hurt feelings of her own. For instance, maybe she was offended that I would assume she couldn't afford or she was incapable of purchasing professional clothing. I had worked in offices where it was common practice that someone would either bring in their cast offs and give them away or sell at a very low price. I had assumed she would like to save a few dollars and take the clothes I offered, never once considering that it was a rather intrusive gesture.  Also, she may have had a different fashion style than I had. Instead of having these clothes hanging and wasting away in her closet, she decided to sell them with no malice intended.

I decided to stop carrying around the hurt feelings, and exchanged them as hope she made a few bucks on her yard sale!
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Negative energy in pages

Have you read a book that affected you? I remember a few years back a co-worker had this glossy book at her desk. I looked at its cover, which I found curious. It depicted a calming beach scene with a shark fin prominently in the ocean distance. The novelty of this book was it contained sayings that at first appear positive, for instance “If at first you don’t succeed…” and end it with negative words “…don’t waste your energy trying again.” As I flipped through the pages, I found the sayings amusing, clever and stinging. She let me borrow it so I could read it cover to cover. When I took it home and read a few pages, I began to feel an emotionally heaviness fall upon me. Generally speaking, I see myself as an optimist—I try not to let too many things get me down. However,  after reading a few pages of this book, a dark cloud of depression loomed over me. I decided to quit reading the book—it wasn’t like I was under any obligation to finish it! The very next day, I gla...
1 comment
Read more

A touch of Minx

A few months ago, I, along with everyone else, fell in love with the movie Inside Out .  I also appreciated that one of the main story points was it is  okay to feel sad, sometimes it’s an emotion that cannot be avoided. It was nice to see a movie not sugar-coat tough emotions and show that memories can be shaded with a blend of feelings. I thought the writers were so clever to materialize emotions into characters that kids could understand. Again, I was overwhelmed by their inventiveness that there are little beings living in the main character’s brain. As I watched these colorful characters on the screen, I had a nagging reminder of a comic strip I had read growing up. It was in the British  comic book called The Beano .  Not to be confused with the natural remedy .  The Beano comic book has been going strong for over 60 years in Great Britain. When I arrived home, I looked up these characters. The cast that started me doing comparisons was The Numskulls ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Lessons from Teachers

Many times when people talk about the teachers they have encountered in their schools, usually the lessons have been of the traditional sort.   A teacher has done or said something inspiring that has changed their lives for the better.   Actually, I have had a teacher show a negative trait that was a positive life lesson to me.   She was my seventh grade teacher.   She was a very large woman—she had to make her own clothes to fit her.   Not only was her physique large, but also her personality.   She was a very aggressive and no-nonsense woman.     “You can’t get away with anything in Miss C class!”   was the comment we heard from previous teachers and older students.   When she hosted detention, she made a sign to put on the clock that read: “Time passes—will you?”             Being in her class, she made it very clear that she was the boss.   Now, most of the time, she wa...
1 comment
Read more