Is it the thought that really counts?

I do so love reading articles that conjure up memories!

I recently read an article in O Magazine July 2011 (I’m a little bit behind!)  called The Cure for a Compulsive Helper by Diana Spechler.  The article was the author’s account of 30 days of mindful helping. She shared that there were times in her life when she thought she was being helpful, but since it was unsolicited, her help became almost to the point of meddling.  

I got to thinking of an incident in my life and how I identified with Ms Spechler’s well-meaning nature.

A few years ago, a manager that worked with my husband lamented that she didn't have many professional clothes. The owner was promoting her to another apartment complex that was larger and she wanted to look the part. She was petite like me, so my husband suggested that I help out. I had been working at an office for a while and had collected many business separates. I went through my closet and picked out a couple of my professional cast-offs.  The next time we saw her, I gave her the clothing. I felt good that I was able to help out on her quest to looking more professional.

Oddly enough, the later times I saw her, I didn't see her wearing any of the items I had given her.  I figured since I didn't see her every day and she may have been wearing them at these other times.

A few weeks later, she was getting ready to move to the new apartment complex and was holding a yard sale. We happened to be at her complex since my husband was the on call maintenance tech that weekend. As we walked by her sales display, on the rack of clothing were all of the items I gave her. My heart sank, disappointed that my generosity was completely ignored. Even though we saw each other many times afterwards, I never mentioned my hurt feelings to her, but it was always in the back of my mind.  

After reading this article, I reviewed this past incident again. I didn't feel the sting of the hurt feelings since many years have come between, so I was able to look at it from a more discerning angle. 

This manager may have had some hurt feelings of her own. For instance, maybe she was offended that I would assume she couldn't afford or she was incapable of purchasing professional clothing. I had worked in offices where it was common practice that someone would either bring in their cast offs and give them away or sell at a very low price. I had assumed she would like to save a few dollars and take the clothes I offered, never once considering that it was a rather intrusive gesture.  Also, she may have had a different fashion style than I had. Instead of having these clothes hanging and wasting away in her closet, she decided to sell them with no malice intended.

I decided to stop carrying around the hurt feelings, and exchanged them as hope she made a few bucks on her yard sale!