Skip to main content

Where have I been?

In the past few weeks, I have retreated into myself, letting the mist of quiet sadness drape over me.  I was only finding solace in finding more things to worry me. I was neglectful to my writing, but now, I’m starting to shake off the haze of sorrow. I’m able to apply the rule write what you know. Here I sit, putting down on the electronic page what I have been experiencing.
My husband’s health issues have caused this downward shift in my disposition. It started out innocently enough—a few months back, he was having soreness in his right elbow. Then over the course of weeks, the dull ache graduated to searing agony that had spread throughout his whole right arm, shoulder and back of his head.  Some mornings, he woke up with his right arm twitching uncontrollably. Also, he would be prone to dizzy spells.
Seeing someone you love in pain and not being able to do anything about it is torture, pure and simple. His groans would twist my stomach into knots.  My tears were always in quick supply, but I tried to hide them from him.  He was dealing with enough without having to worry about me.
The other thing that had me suspended in tender hooks was not knowing what was causing his extreme discomfort. Logically, I knew I was not an expert on the matter, but my imagination filled my mind with guesses—Parkinson’s disease? A stroke? A brain tumor? This horrendous dialogue was endless.
A trip to the ER finally confirmed what has been ailing him—the MRI showed herniated discs in his neck. Unfortunately, they are degenerating. They were not caused by an injury, but genetics.
On the way home, he stated he was relieved that we finally knew what was going on—it’s not a devious mystery anymore and now we can treat it. He was in an extreme positive frame of mind. In response, I started to cry. He put his left pain free arm around me and gingerly held me close. I found this ironic—here he was, a man just coming back from the emergency room and now he was the strong one.
Then he said something that finally got me out of my misery: “As long as we work together, we can beat anything.” I was so wrapped up in worry and fear in his condition that I was carrying too much of the burdens on myself. I had forgotten we were a team.
My positive energy is slowly coming back, which is in direct proportion to his pain level subsiding. Also, I’m looking through a clearer prism rather than the murky one of agitation. I can see our family putting these words into practice—our son is helping out more around the house and showing concern, my step-son is visiting us more and doing the yard work. Even the dogs are showing they are furry care givers—instinctively they know to be around him and stabilize him when he’s having a dizzy spell.   
As a friend of mine observed, we are all in a biorhythm-- the trick is to remember when we are in the low point of the grid, we are also riding the wave to the high point.   

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Negative energy in pages

Have you read a book that affected you? I remember a few years back a co-worker had this glossy book at her desk. I looked at its cover, which I found curious. It depicted a calming beach scene with a shark fin prominently in the ocean distance. The novelty of this book was it contained sayings that at first appear positive, for instance “If at first you don’t succeed…” and end it with negative words “…don’t waste your energy trying again.” As I flipped through the pages, I found the sayings amusing, clever and stinging. She let me borrow it so I could read it cover to cover. When I took it home and read a few pages, I began to feel an emotionally heaviness fall upon me. Generally speaking, I see myself as an optimist—I try not to let too many things get me down. However,  after reading a few pages of this book, a dark cloud of depression loomed over me. I decided to quit reading the book—it wasn’t like I was under any obligation to finish it! The very next day, I gla...
1 comment
Read more

A touch of Minx

A few months ago, I, along with everyone else, fell in love with the movie Inside Out .  I also appreciated that one of the main story points was it is  okay to feel sad, sometimes it’s an emotion that cannot be avoided. It was nice to see a movie not sugar-coat tough emotions and show that memories can be shaded with a blend of feelings. I thought the writers were so clever to materialize emotions into characters that kids could understand. Again, I was overwhelmed by their inventiveness that there are little beings living in the main character’s brain. As I watched these colorful characters on the screen, I had a nagging reminder of a comic strip I had read growing up. It was in the British  comic book called The Beano .  Not to be confused with the natural remedy .  The Beano comic book has been going strong for over 60 years in Great Britain. When I arrived home, I looked up these characters. The cast that started me doing comparisons was The Numskulls ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Lessons from Teachers

Many times when people talk about the teachers they have encountered in their schools, usually the lessons have been of the traditional sort.   A teacher has done or said something inspiring that has changed their lives for the better.   Actually, I have had a teacher show a negative trait that was a positive life lesson to me.   She was my seventh grade teacher.   She was a very large woman—she had to make her own clothes to fit her.   Not only was her physique large, but also her personality.   She was a very aggressive and no-nonsense woman.     “You can’t get away with anything in Miss C class!”   was the comment we heard from previous teachers and older students.   When she hosted detention, she made a sign to put on the clock that read: “Time passes—will you?”             Being in her class, she made it very clear that she was the boss.   Now, most of the time, she wa...
1 comment
Read more